Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Filters
I try not to judge people based on their outward appearance, however sometimes nonverbal cues tell more about a person than what they say. I am happily married and at the time may not have thought of the process I used as filters. The sociological cues (probability of contact), physical proximity, preinteraction cues, interaction cues and cognitive cues (same cultural values, beliefs and attitudes) all played a part in bringing us together. More than physical attraction, it is the compassion, the ability to easily carry a conversation with that person and for them to understand and love you for who you are, matters more to me. When forming friendships I may have used these filters. When we form friendships, I think our ability to carry on a conversation with ease probably decides if we are going to continue that friendship or not. We need to consciously give people a chance to show if they are worth our friendship or not, instead of judging them by their outward appearance. We may miss a rewarding relationship.
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Sunshine-
ReplyDeleteWow, we are opposites ☺
In my post I admitted to having used physical attractiveness as my main preinteraction filter for romantic partners. Like the book notes, I don’t know whether this is right or wrong, but I know that I have done it a lot. I am also happily married now, and the first level of filters really affected my decision to pursue him. A. I thought he was hot (preinteraction cues) and B. He lived across the hall from me (physical proximity, seriously! Haha). After getting to know him better I was happy to find that we shared similar values and carried on good conversations, so he passed level two.
In contrast to you, I don’t feel like I use many filters at all when forming friendships. I am very open to meeting all kinds of people from different places. I like befriending people who may be a bit socially awkward and need friends, or people who have different beliefs than me so that I can get to know a variety of people. So a little uneasy conversation and differences don’t necessarily sway me from forming friendships.
I think you bring up a good point when you talk about how preinteraction cues can be a filter, but the cognitive cues can override the judgment that was based on the preinteraction cues. I do think that outward appearance is an initial attraction, but some people find it easier than others to overlook this aspect, and focus on the cognitive cues. When it comes to long-term relationships, there is no doubt in my mind that cognitive cues become the strongest filter. If there is no psychological understanding of eachother, physical appearance isn't something that can keep romantic partners together for a long period of time.
ReplyDeleteIn response to digital summer's comment, we are a lot alike. Although romantic partners of mine do get filtered initially through preinteraction cues, I do not rely on preinteraction cues so heavily when choosing who I would like to be friends with. The preinteraction cues still play a small role, but much less of a role compared to establishing a romantic relationship with someone.