I think all relationships go through complementary and symmetrical patterns, depending on how long the relationship goes and the people involved. In my opinion, rigid complementarity would be most damaging to a relationship. In this relationship one person is dominant while the other is submissive. This type of relationship is common in some marriages (especially in the East, where the husband is dominant and the wife plays the submissive role), parent – child and in friendships. Marriages are a partnership and we must treat each other equally by sharing information, ideas and roles. If the husband always plays the dominant role in deciding everything, the submissive wife may resent this at some point and rebel against this. This is the same in a parent-child relationship, if we constantly decide and play a dominant role, children and teenagers begin to rebel against this control. Any interpersonal relationship has its limits and there needs to be a balance and an appreciation for the other person’s feelings and the context in a given situation.
A person who is always submissive may feel dominated and may or may not be in an abusive relationship; this individual’s self-esteem would likely be damaged the most. This is not to say that competitive symmetry (both fight for top spot) or submissive symmetry (both struggle to relinquish control) are any better. I’d like to end with this quote by Dale Carnegie:
“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion.”
It’s funny that you briefly mentioned abuse in your argument for rigid complementarity as I have been, embarrassingly enough, following this Mel Gibson scandal all week. If you’re not familiar, Mel’s baby momma has filed for a restraining order against him claiming he abused her and knocked her teeth out. Mel himself pretty much admit this in recordings of him verbally abusing her that were leaked online. What I find interesting about this is the different ways he attempts to dominate her in the tapes. He not only feels dominant because of his gender (like you mentioned many Easter cultures embrace this), but also because of his race, and his financial capabilities. After hearing those tapes, it is hard to argue with your choice.
ReplyDeleteLittletomatoe,
ReplyDeleteWhat a good point you brought up about the Mel Gibson scandal and the abuse. I didn't think he was the type. It looks like sadly the son is going to testify as to what happened!!!